Es gibt keine Probleme. Nur Knoten in meinem Kopf, in einem Käfig aus Kontrollzwang und Angst.
Aber was geschieht, das geschieht. Warum wehre ich mich so sehr gegen dieses Gefühl, wenn es einmal ungemütlich und unsicher wird in meinem Leben? Wenn ich die vermeintliche Kontrolle verliere, nichts mehr tun kann und der einzige Weg eigentlich nur ist dem Universum und dem natürlichen, zyklischen Lauf des Lebens zu vertrauen.
After a couple of intense Hypnotherapy sessions, I encountered my subconscious on a level where I was able to shift some strongly embodied inner beliefs, based in childhood experiences. This is a level, that we can not access with our conscious minds. It is not enough to understand and explore these patterns with the mind.
Waking up and realising that many of our actions are based on old emotional injuries is very painful. When we suddenly see, that we created our reality based on learned emotional habits that have nothing to do with what is actually going on. We see and interpret something that is not happening and act based on this perception. At the same time the other person is reacting to our behaviour, also based on his or her own stories and we create a completely new reality. Thats a mind-fuck? :)
What is so frightening about the present? When we are fully aware, then there is no mind-made sense of self. We have nothing to hold on to, no pretended explanation for our existence. Things are just as they are. Meditation trains us, to be more and more in the now, to observe ourselves while acting and reacting in the world.
This morning I woke up and felt a little sad emptiness inside. Nothing had happened that could explain the feeling. My life was exactly like the days before, when I felt content and happy. Why did I suddenly feel, like something was missing? My initial response to this feeling was: I don’t want to feel this. But: The feeling apparently came from my inside. Why was I looking for the cure in the outside?
Most likely you will suffer during meditation because you judge yourself, have expectations and are not willing to accept what is happening in the present moment. You are in the mind. But you want to be beyond your mind. And to get there you should first of all not take the whole meditation practice so serious ;)
Life is full of changes. Most of us don't like this. The problem is, that not the change is the problem but your resistance towards the change. In meditation, you learn to dance between everything that is appearing and dissolving. The nature of our life and mind. And in between, you may find some freedom...
The tone of your inner voice in meditation is crucial. When you catch yourself thinking, what is your comment and how do you say it? I know that my voice is pretty judgemental. But what I actually need and deserve is caring, loving. I tried and my meditation was full of honest, deep love. It made all the difference...
When I first heard teachers saying “the world is not real, you are living in an illusion” I did not really understand. I mean things are as they are and I am doing my best to survive and navigate through the struggle of life. “You have a choice. You can choose how you want to feel about something”. Really?
I used to see body relaxation as really disturbing in my meditation. A necessary evil. Surprisingly, the more I practiced, the more I realised, that body relaxation is actually the most necessary preparation. Only with a relaxed body, the mind can relax and this is the essential prerequisite for the state of meditation to happen.