When I first heard teachers saying “the world is not real, you are living in an illusion” I did not really understand. I mean things are as they are and I am doing my best to survive and navigate through the struggle of life. “You have a choice. You can choose how you want to feel about something”. Really? When I get intimidated by someone, it doesn’t feel like a have big of a choice to feel bad?
We are living in mind-made bubbles
But the more I was listening inside myself, honestly without fear, the more I realised how much I was creating “my world”. Constantly I built stories and daydreams of fear, worry and hope in my head. The body was present, while my mind enjoyed travelling to some parallel universe. Everything that I thought to be my “identity” was actually a big mess. Over the years I absorbed experiences, feelings, society’s opinion and I developed cravings, beliefs, hopes and delusions. Mixing them all together and calling them “I”. This “I” defined my life and personality. It put my world into a cage that I could not escape. Because things have always been like this, you can not just invent yourself new. Can’t you?
Who actually defines what "I" is?
Meditation helped me to dive deeper into my inner world. To explore it like a foreign country without any roadmap, because there is no path. The first time I encountered complete silence it felt like I was dying. I had to let go of this “I”. What I saw instead was emptiness. A blank space that is awareness and consciousness. I separated myself from thoughts and emotions, they were no part of me anymore. I was pure, an empty piece of paper. And when you have an empty piece of paper, you have a choice to colour it any way you want, right? I deeply realised that I was not the mask I was wearing. Consequently I understood, that every single person is not what he thinks or pretends to be. We are all the result of million colours on this piece of paper.
The only reality is the present moment as it is
The whole point of meditation is to experience reality as it is. It is not about falling into emptiness and silence all the time. It can already be a revelation just to watch your thoughts and feelings. To acknowledge what is happening in the mind and to become aware of the stories you create. You are sitting on your meditation pillow, but your head is thinking about dinner plans.
Why is it so hard to be in the present moment? Please ask yourself: “What am I experiencing right now?” I am sitting here, a dog is barking outside, I smell coffee. Not more, it is as it is. Everything else you think is not reality but a memory of the past or fantasy about the future. It is beautiful to allow yourself just to be here in this very moment. Clear, pure and without craving of something else. Allow the now to be. It is the only time in your life you will have this second.
It is possible to learn to be in the present moment
I know how hard it can be to stay in the now. The time I was experiencing so much silence was during a Vipassana retreat. 10 days silence, 8 hours of meditation per day. A lot of training and not many influences from outside. Since then, I get glimpses, sometimes longer moments of silence. But most important is the deeply internalised memory and experiential knowledge of something that no one can tell you. You always have to see for yourself to not only believe, but know. It's my personal treasure.
The best way to get back to the present moment in meditation is the awareness on your breath. Be kind to yourself and don't judge yourself for thinking and drifting away. It is completely normal and the nature of our mind. Being aware of what is happening is the key. You can visualise the breath as your anchor, that keeps you connected to the now, no matter how big the ocean waves are breaking over you.
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