Meditation is not about getting somewhere. Meditation is a state of being. Maybe you don’t really know yet, what this is supposed to mean? Try to imagine a space in between. The space between every inhale and exhale, the space between two thoughts or the feeling when you are in the flow of doing something, like surfing a wave, painting a picture or during an orgasm.
In these moments, you don’t follow any rules and your mind is not wandering to some other realities. For me this is already a state of meditation. The only difference to an actual meditation practice is, that you don’t really learn about your mind. You are not contemplating and observing how your mind is working. You might not be able to apply any learnings to your life.
How is it possible to travel beyond the mind?
Every meditation technique is basically a means to keep your mind busy and to help you concentrate. By following meditation “rules” like observing your breath in the belly or nose, you slowly create a space to become aware of your thoughts. You develop a distance between the part of you that is thinking and fabricating stories and the part of you that is aware of all this. Thinking and emotions either become less, or you are able to watch them from a distance. They come and go and you realise they are not a part of you. That you always have the choice to not take a thought serious and create suffering.
This is the moment, when you may forget about the rules. You enter into a state of being. You are only aware of the very, very present moment. You melt into time and space and you are beyond everything…
But well,… how to get there?
People keep asking me, how to start with meditation. “I can not meditate.”, “meditation is not for me.”, “I am thinking too much.” One thing I can say for sure: it needs patience, faith, dedication and most important an open, gentle, humorous mind to everything that is arising. Its a balance between effort and surrender. It changed my life to discover this inner world inside me. As explained before, meditation is a journey without a destination. There is no route you can take and no goal to attain. This makes it easy and difficult at the same time.
We tend to judge ourselves for being human - learning to accept your nature
I can still remember, how I struggled during my first meditation workshop. I was beating myself up for thinking constantly. I couldn’t get hold of my busy brain, the monkey mind was driving me crazy and I was sure, I must be the only one going through the personal hell of my mind. Many thoughts and stories about the past, present and future kept me from focussing on anything. Additionally I suffered from the worst emotional turmoil. I hated the teacher, was so frustrated, angry with myself and experienced excruciating mental and physical pain. Sounds nice, this meditation, right? :)
Only years later I realized, how perfectly normal this experience was. I wish the teacher back then had explained, that everyone is experiencing different intensities and levels of thinking during meditation, because this is just the nature of our mind. And the whole point of meditation is to see this. To see it, to go beyond, to get lost in thoughts, to come back to the breath, to see emotions arising out of nowhere, to come back to the breath, to flow with whatever is there, coming back to the breath again and again, back and forth… Everything is ok in this dance.
Your mind is an instrument to navigate in this world, you are not its slave
I can not promise you, that the thinking will become less, when you meditate more. It depends on your lifestyle, mood and the current state of your mind. But what you will develop is much more valuable: You will be ok with what is there. You will develop equanimity with all your thoughts and feelings. In your daily life you will become increasingly more aware of the realities that your mind is creating. This distance will help you, not to identify with the mind. You will know, because you saw it for yourself, that you are not this mind made worlds.
The mind doesn’t cease, but you will become the master of your mind. Usually it feels like the mind has a life of its own. But how Osho explained: the mind is just like your leg. The leg moves, when you tell it to move. Likewise it is possible to use the mind when you need it to navigate in this world and not be controlled by its own likings.
1. Don't take the meditation practice too serious:
Keep an open mind to everything you are experiencing. See it as a dance or game. If you are too strict and eager to follow the rules, you will just create suffering. Every meditation is good enough. You feel like you are mainly thinking about something that happened yesterday? Well, this is your learning. Your thoughts are jumping around from one branch to the next? Good, this is your learning. Be aware of how your inner tone of voice is, when you catch yourself thinking. Be kind, not angry or harsh. Talk to yourself, as you would expect it from a good friend.
Accept whatever is coming up. You want to learn to be ok with what is arising in every moment. Because this is the only reality you have. No one can tell you “this is right, this is wrong” because no one is you and every moment is just as it is, before it changes again. For me every meditation is another experiment of how to come into full awareness of what is there. Sometimes thoughts overwhelm me, other days I sink into my being in full tranquility.
2. Have no expectations to get anywhere or become anyone
Meditation is like watching the passing traffic. You sit on the side of the street and watch the cars, your thoughts, emotions, coming and going. You don’t need to do anything, meditation is not an action. There is no goal. Be patient, enjoy the meditation and don’t make it a means to get anywhere.
This is also the reason, why you should not expect anything. As soon as you want to achieve anything like “I should feel calm”, “I want to be enlightened” or “I want to become a meditator”, you are creating a desire. Any desire is leading to suffering. First you suffer because it is not fulfilled and as soon as your desire becomes true, there will appear a hollow again and you crave the next thing. As long as you want something, you are in the mind. But you want to be beyond your mind.
3. Don't be discouraged by mental discomfort
It is very likely that you will experience discomfort on your meditation journey. You might become discouraged by your monkey mind, because you still have this image of “the blissful monk in a cave” in your head. Emotions might torture you sometimes, you will experience impatience, anger or sadness. But without pain it won’t heal. Before we can truly understand ourselves, we have to really get to know ourselves, including every painful, embarrassing piece of the puzzle.
At the same time we have to accept, embrace and even love every part. We can not lie to ourselves when we look into the mirror. Yes, we hate the teacher and want to scream, yes we are tired and crave a coffee, yes we are vulnerable and feel like crying. All very uncomfortable thoughts and emotions because we learned that they are not “appropriate”. Why did no one teach us, that they are just human?
Don't be discouraged by this discomfort. It is a beautiful gift to experience this, to see it live as it is arising. You can run but not hide - so this is the chance to face the discomfort. The more you sit next to it, the more you might notice how it is fading. Imagine your are cleaning an old, dirty house. Before you can see the beautiful, old wooden floor, a lot of dust will stir up. The more you keep cleaning, the less cloudy your view becomes…
4. Relax the body to relax the mind
Body and mind are interrelated. One of my biggest revelations in meditation was that I can only go deep, when everything is relaxed. Sometimes I don’t notice how I still keep a tension in my finger or forehead. As soon as I consciously breathe and relax into these areas, the mind becomes stiller too.
To be completely relaxed it helps of course to have an ideal external setting for your meditation. Find a time and spot where you will not be disturbed. Use a comfortable cushion or chair to sit and support your knees if necessary. Take a stable sitting position where your back and spine are straight, preferably with a crossed-legged position with maximum connection to the floor. Sit like a rock, breathe like a flower. Be still, relaxed as well as solid and stable.
Most likely you will experience physical pain in your knees, back or shoulders during many sessions. It is almost inevitable, but how much you suffer is your choice. First try not to only focus on the painful area. Once I meditated so deep (during a Vipassana), that I was able to go beyond the physical sensations. I knew the pain was there, but my mind had disconnected from it and I did not feel it anymore. They say, that meditation can be as strong as morphine.
But sure, you might not be able to go there yet. Therefore experiment with it. Focus on other areas of the body and your breath. Try not to pity yourself and don’t be afraid, because most of the time, it is only painful because your body adjusts to this new physical condition. It is not really a dangerous pain (as long as there is not underlying medical condition of course). If it really gets impossible and too strong, you may move the body part very mindfully. Make it a part of your meditation and stay aware of every slight movement and sensation, when you for example stretch your leg.
Lets go on this inner journey together :)
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