The way I was talking, when I caught myself thinking.

How gentle are you talking to yourself in meditation? Yes I mean talking. Since until we enter the deep no-thought state of silence, there’s some work to do. We have to understand the nature of our mind, which is thinking. Only when we understand this, are we able to create a distance, accept, surrender and let go. We learn to not identify with the thinking because we realise, that we are not the thoughts. 

 

Noting the thoughts, knowing that we are thinking, before moving the focus back to the object of our meditation. Breath, nose, belly, whatever we choose. That is what usually happens in a classic Vipassana meditation practice. Constantly, tirelessly, patiently. But there is definitely more to it: The way we react to what is coming up, be it thoughts or emotions, is a major challenge, but also steppingstone.

First notice the feeling when you catch yourself thinking.

 

Are you angry with yourself? Disappointed? Annoyed? Bored? Laughing? Hand in hand with this feeling goes the tone of your voice. The moment when you catch yourself thinking you comment the event. How? 

 

I read about this for the first time some weeks ago in the amazing book “When things fall apart” by the buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. This morning I tried it for the first time and it created such a different meditation experience, that I just needed to share it with the world. 

 

What is the tone of your inner voice, when you catch yourself thinking?

 

It can be gentle, loving, caring, but also quite insulting, mean and harsh. We all speak to ourselves a lot, not only when we witness our meditation. This voice has a certain tone.

 

I know that my voice is pretty judgemental. Although I am aware that it is completely normal for random thoughts to pop up in meditation. I can't help it. It happens very very quickly. Instantly I get annoyed, that I lost the focus again. 

 

How is this possible? I don’t talk nicely to myself? Wow.

 

Usually it's something like “come one… don’t think again” “Oh girl, you got lost again”… A very ungentle, criticising voice. 

 

I started to imagine, what tone of voice I would expect from a friend as a commentator of my meditation. And surprise :) I would not want a harsh voice, neither pitiful, mocking or sarcastic. 

 

Loving, caring, understanding. That is what I need. Thats what I deserve.

 

Because there’s nothing wrong. I am just thinking and I want to know that I am thinking. It's a journey. Every time we walk a different path to nowhere. There's no destination or goal to achieve. No right or wrong. Why not be gentle? 

 

Seriously the meditation this morning made all the difference for me. I felt soooo much self-love and compassion for myself and I could have sit there forever talking nicely to me. All negative feelings that I was coping with dissolved into their true meaninglessness. Please try!